Adopting siblings
When I think about my sister, or my children, the thought of siblings being separated becomes even more unbearable. In some situations, children have experienced such a high level of abuse that remaining in the same household can add to their trauma. Nowadays, thorough assessments are completed that inform the decision-making process of whether children should be placed together or apart. In many situations, siblings being adopted within the same family is seen as a protective factor.
A daunting thought to start with
This was certainly the case for the two families that I worked with. Both couples were approved for one or two children but the idea of adopting siblings remained daunting to them. We spoke in detail about the pros and cons of adopting siblings and how it might impact their relationship, their family and their support network. During the family finding process, we considered single children and siblings.
Adopting siblings was the right choice
Both couples went on to adopt siblings and thinking back I cannot imagine it happening any other way. Both sets of siblings had experienced abuse and neglect in their birth parents’ care. The children were close in age and were between the ages of 4 and 7 when they moved to their respective families. They had spent time in foster care, before moving to their adoptive families. Like all siblings, they sometimes argued and even fought. Their shared experiences of abuse and neglect had impacted on their development and their relationship. They needed support to promote healthier interactions with one another, although they had already made a lot of progress whilst in the care of their foster carers. They also shared a powerful bond that needed to be protected and nurtured.
Siblings can benefit from staying together
When children move from their birth families and then from foster carers, they experience such profound loss. Their move to their forever home, as wonderful and as necessary as it is, is also accompanied by bereavement. Adoptive parents need to support their children through this difficult time, whilst balancing their own feelings of immense joy that children have joined their family. When siblings move together, they are able to maintain a level of permanence through each other’s presence, which can mitigate the grief they are experiencing. Moving to a new home and new parents can also be a little less daunting when you’re sharing that experience with your sibling. Not everything is new.
Double the joy and love
Becoming an instant family of 4, is not without its challenges. The couples I worked with were faced with a steep learning curve and some days were particularly hard (and still are!). But there is also double the joy and love, as well as times when their children will play together and give their parents a few moments of rest! They also don’t need to go through the whole adoption process again, which is something second time adopters have to do if they want to add to their family at a later date. Ultimately, both couples can’t imagine a world where their children weren’t placed with them, together. There is such a strong sense of fulfilment watching their children grow up together.
Emotional support throughout their lives 
There are even more strengths, in that the children share a difficult life story and identity which can act as a source of emotional support throughout their lives. Sharing children’s life stories with them can be challenging for adults. Siblings have witnessed each other’s lives in full and can take solace in that knowledge. There can also be challenges, as sibling may have experienced things differently or have varying memories of events. All children need a high level of support to make sense of their histories and to process their adverse childhood experiences.
Adopting siblings can protect children’s best interests
Having a sibling can be difficult at times, but ultimately siblings provide our longest lasting relationships, often extending throughout lifetime. It is a bond that should be protected in whichever way is seen to be in the children’s best interests.
If you would like to find out more about adopting or fostering a child through St Andrew’s Children’s Society please call 0131 454 3370 or email info@standrews-children.org.uk.
Georgia Gialpa
Senior Practitioner